Friday, July 13, 2012

a recent email to a friend

This morning I was writing to a friend, who inquired about my day on the 11th (as Catelyn passed away on September 11th, and 10 months have now passed).  As I wrote my message, I really felt like part of it was share-worthy on my blog, so here goes:
For about the first six months after Catelyn died, the shock was so severe that I felt like it was important to recognize each month publicly.  It felt like if I didn't, that it would be like she never existed.  Fortunately, by about the 7th month, healing finally began to ensue, slowly, and the 11th of each month stopped being so horrifying.  I was finally able to start finding a little peace, and actually make it through that day without even thinking about the significance. 

I finally began to realize that Catelyn is a part of me every day, and that, while her death is still horrible, that isn't the part of her that I wish to focus on.  I want to preserve the better times and memories of her life.  The 11th is actually no longer a day of focus for me, although September 11th will be a different story, I'm sure.

So, with that said, the 11th was actually a good day.  My huband and I enjoyed several conversations about Catelyn, but not, at least for me, based on the date of the month....simply out of the joy of thinking of Catelyn.

Some days are so very hard, and the realities of her death still creep up on me, for sure, but, remembering Catelyn's life brings such joy, that it's hard not to make that the focus.  Even though the memories are usually followed with the pain that she isn't here to create more, the joy is still worth it.

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