Posted on Facebook on Friday, January 20, 2012:
So I attended a TCF meeting last night and one of the questions asked of our group of grieving parents, siblings and grandparents was: has anyone told you 'it's time to move on, and how did you handle it?'
So here are my thoughts: WHAT!?! 'It's time to move on?'
Um, NO. That is not even acceptable. No one in this world has the right to dictate to people around them HOW to handle their grief or the TIMELINE in which it should be taken care of.
I'm only 4.5 months into grieving the loss of Catelyn and can clearly see that losing a child is something that will haunt you the entire rest of your life.
It's not something you just 'get over', EVER.
You see, you had this child, and felt like it was your responsibility to raise them and take care of them and make sure they stayed safe. Now they are gone (and it doesn't matter how long), and everything you do and see and say and feel reminds you of them, PERIOD.
You find yourself thinking 'my child would've loved this', 'wouldn't it be great if my child was here to see this', 'my child loved ________'. There is simply no 'getting over it' or 'moving on'.
Every moment from the day of their death or the moments leading up to it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Your mind is on constant re-wind and re-play looking for the answer that would've changed everything. The worst part is that you can never go back and 'fix' it.
I'm sure it seems well-intentioned to think 'isn't it time to move on' on the exterior, but let's face it, that is NOT HELPFUL.
Life will never be the same again after losing a child. All bereaved parents are doing the best that they can to rebuild their lives after they have lost a child.
Nothing can make it 'right' again.
And, while that child isn't there physically, they will ALWAYS be a part of every moment: in spirit, in heart and in mind.
So I attended a TCF meeting last night and one of the questions asked of our group of grieving parents, siblings and grandparents was: has anyone told you 'it's time to move on, and how did you handle it?'
So here are my thoughts: WHAT!?! 'It's time to move on?'
Um, NO. That is not even acceptable. No one in this world has the right to dictate to people around them HOW to handle their grief or the TIMELINE in which it should be taken care of.
I'm only 4.5 months into grieving the loss of Catelyn and can clearly see that losing a child is something that will haunt you the entire rest of your life.
It's not something you just 'get over', EVER.
You see, you had this child, and felt like it was your responsibility to raise them and take care of them and make sure they stayed safe. Now they are gone (and it doesn't matter how long), and everything you do and see and say and feel reminds you of them, PERIOD.
You find yourself thinking 'my child would've loved this', 'wouldn't it be great if my child was here to see this', 'my child loved ________'. There is simply no 'getting over it' or 'moving on'.
Every moment from the day of their death or the moments leading up to it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Your mind is on constant re-wind and re-play looking for the answer that would've changed everything. The worst part is that you can never go back and 'fix' it.
I'm sure it seems well-intentioned to think 'isn't it time to move on' on the exterior, but let's face it, that is NOT HELPFUL.
Life will never be the same again after losing a child. All bereaved parents are doing the best that they can to rebuild their lives after they have lost a child.
Nothing can make it 'right' again.
And, while that child isn't there physically, they will ALWAYS be a part of every moment: in spirit, in heart and in mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment