it's not enough.

At the June meeting of the Compassionate Friends in my area, a mom seated next to me began crying.  She said she felt like she couldn't do enough to preserve the memory of her son.  She said she felt like she wanted to purchase a billboard just to get his face seen by more people.  She then apologized for saying it.

I sat next to her with tears streaming down my face, and I blurted out "Don't apologize for how you feel.  I think it's a great idea and personally,  I think we should all do that for our children."

As we wrapped up that evening, someone asked what people have done to remember their children.  I mentioned Catelyn's ever growing list:

baby hats I have knitted to donate in Catelyn's name

• Linus blankets (and Catelyn cares blankets)
• Pool feature at our local toddler/baby pool
• A spot in our local library to be named "Catelyn's Corner"
• Library books dedicated in her name
• Toy, book, and monetary donations to local hospitals
• A memorial blood drive
• Random acts of kindness committed in Catelyn's name
• Knitted baby hats to be donated to hospitals in Catelyn's name
• A donation to our local veteran's memorial park

I am certain I have forgotten to list some of the wonderful things...

We have an amazing and lengthy list of ways we remember Catelyn and reach out to others in her name, but the words of the other mother at my meeting ring true.

Somehow it doesn't feel like I can do enough to preserve the memory of Catelyn.

I think I could get all of our memorial acts/efforts tattooed in a 12 inch font on every open space on my skin (which currently is tattoo-less), and even if I was covered from head-to-toe I don't believe I would be satisfied.

I need the world to know what an amazing girl Catelyn was, and I want their lives to be forever changed when they learn about her....maybe then I could consider having done "enough" to honor her short life...

Knowing me I would still do more...