Thursday, April 26, 2012

a day of trials

Today has been a moderately hard day.

I went to work this morning, expecting things would be 'normal' in terms of my job duties.  I had a crew of volunteers (who are amazing, by the way), coming in to assemble a mailing, and for the first time, in about two months, I didn't feel completely behind.

The second woman to arrive brought her granddaughter along.  She is nearing 13 months old.  Oh my was she ever sweet.  She had light brown hair and bright blue eyes.  She was so similar to my Catelyn, in the tiniest ways....she even made the same pacifier vocalization with sucking sound that Catelyn did when she would get tired.

Wow, was that ever a connection.

It was so hard for me to leave her alone when all I could find myself wanting to do was pick her up, snuggle her, and sing and cry. still hurts.

When they went to leave, that little doll blew kisses to me....they weren't the same as my Catelyn's, but they were a wonderful treat.

My heart was so full, so warm, and so sad.  It was certainly a bittersweet moment....

After I got home, I got on Facebook to find that a friend of mine, with three boys, had to take her youngest (around 18 months old, I think) to the ER.  He was having trouble breathing due to pneumonia, and was admitted.  My friend posted a couple of pictures of him at the hospital.

It was so hard to see those pictures.  They immediately took me back to Catelyn's time in the hospital.

I know that my friend's son will be well again soon enough, but I couldn't help but write her to tell her that she's in my thoughts and prayers.

In my opinion, there aren't many things harder than watching your child enduring needle pokes, and trailing a string of tubes around (making it hard to pick them up and hold them for fear of moving something the wrong way - though you still hold them because it's your baby and you want to comfort them somehow), and laying them down to rest in a crib that looks like it's a jail cell for babies, because it's fully enclosed by bars.

My heart aches for her to have to see her son that way, but I'm glad it's just a short term stay, and soon he will be back home again, in his own bed, with his brothers and parents close by.

Today, like many days, was certainly a day of trials for me, but I made it through, and that counts for something.

1 comment:

  1. Tracy, I am really enjoying all of your entries. Of course I wish I could somehow take away your pain and protect you from the some of the harsh realities that are thrown your way. But for what it is worth, I am so proud of you.